Jane Roper

Writer. Blogger. Hater of Olives.

The Long-Term Hospital Stay Workout

Fig. 1

Is your child in the hospital for a prolonged period, and are you staying with him/her most days and nights? Do people keep bringing you calorie-rich “comfort foods” like mac and cheese, lasagna, and homemade muffins and cookies? Is your child taking corticosteroids that make him or her crave Cape Cod potato chips, pizza and other crap that you are powerless to resist sampling yourself?

And — as if all that isn’t bad enough — have you not been to the gym or taken so much as a brisk ten-minute walk in weeks?

Here are three easy ways to attempt, futilely, to make up for all of the above!

1. Hospital room floor (on a towel, if it’s before the cleaning guy comes) pushups. Do 15 or so pushups every 2-3 days, each time telling yourself you’re going to do them every day from now on.

2. Coffee run stair climbing. Whenever you go downstairs to Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee, or to any other destination beneath your floor, eschew the elevator. Take the stairs down and up. Ignore the annoyingly fit 20-something medical students running past you taking two steps at a time as you trudge wearily but doggedly upward, panting.

3. Microwave/Toaster Lunges. (fig 1.) While you’re in the kitchenette waiting for your coffee to re-heat in the microwave or a Mama Celeste frozen pizza for your steroid-crazed child to cook, do lunges. For added challenge, hold a tiny can of Shasta ginger ale in each hand. (not pictured in fig. 1)

But remember: flabby arms and a muffin top are signs of your devotion to your loved one. And that’s almost as important as looking fabulous and fit!

Good luck!

 

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterest

19 Comments

  1. haha thanks for the laugh!

  2. What about the illegal wine bottle “hammer curl?” That must burn a calorie or two!

  3. Ha!

    Yet another reason to hope you get out of there soon. (I hope you get out of there soon.)

  4. Lindsey Williams

    July 22, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Thank God for your sense of humor! Be kind to yourself in there. Hope you get out soon 🙂

  5. What is it with hospitals and Shasta anyway? Is there a national soda contract between them and *every* hospital?

  6. Surely the anxiety takes like 1000 calories a day from you, right?

  7. eating is good for you, push ups on hosptial floor, not so much, dirty and all. sorry about the dunkin’s, no snotty starbucks nearby? thinking of you all often and eating cookies in solidarity. xo miri and co

  8. I appreciate your hospital humor. And here’s to hoping someone makes you a healthy meal sometime soon. Veggie wraps anyone?

  9. Hi Jane,
    I’ve been a long-time reader over at Babble. I have a five-year-old boy, and I’ve enjoyed following your ups and downs over the years that often have echoed my own. I haven’t been checking in lately because I have found Babble so unpleasant lately. (I don’t mean to be mean, but it is true).

    So I was really shocked and sad when I did just check in to see what’s going on with your life these days. I just wanted to wish you and your family all of the best as you deal with this. I’m glad (and not at all surprised) to see you using humor to cope with such an unfair situation. I have other, harsher words for this situation, but I am keeping it clean.

    I’m not a prayer-person myself, but I will keep my fingers crossed (That’s like praying, right?) that you’ll -all- be able to get through this and continue to thrive.

    Best,
    Sara

  10. Figure 1 would be way more awesome if it had Shasta.

  11. Quite aspect of content material. I just located your web blog plus accession funds to say which i receive actually beloved account your site threads. In any manner I am subscribing in your augment as well as I personally achievement you will get correct regarding permission to access consistently promptly.

  12. Please let me know if you’re looking for a author for your blog.

    You have some really good articles and I feel I would be a good asset.
    If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d love to write some articles for your blog
    in exchange for a link back to mine. Please blast me an email if
    interested. Thanks!

  13. REC believes the process should be simple, while at
    the same time creating options for their clients that offer sound environmental solutions in plant
    decommissioning, site decontamination, soil remediation
    and demolition. Though the changes are typically excellent and likely to improve the product’s popularity,
    they unfortunately will prevent the new model from being compatible with many of the old Nano accessories.
    In the game, players must wander the city of “Paradise” while taking on the role of “The Postal Dude” (also known
    simply as “Dude”) while setting out to accomplish mundane tasks.

  14. I do not even know how I ended up right here, however I believed this
    post was good. I don’t recognize who you might
    be however definitely you are going to a
    famous blogger if you are not already. Cheers!

  15. “It could suffered those UUSee adjustable certain revenue have been type, to see a varied structure, in adition to craigslist ad income, augment treasure-introduced active options, Huge Web coffeehouse provider with the lines. Recent news have indicated that prosecutions will probably be preferred to individuals who download files over peer to look networks, and also this has caused a good stir in communities that depend on seedbox servers to gain access to files. That’s why we decided to unite Dropbox and Bit – Torrent to create downloads as easy as 1 click, without resorting to even a Bit – Torrent client.

  16. Great article, exactly what I wanted to find.

    Feel free to visit myy web page :: dig (Jewelry.dpi.me)

  17. Nice post. I was checking constantly this weblog and I am inspired!
    Extremely helpful info particularly the remaining
    part 🙂 I maintain such information much. I used to be seeking
    this certain info for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  18. I am regular visitor, how are you everybody? This paragraph
    posted at this web page is in fact nice.

  19. These are actually great ideɑs in about blogging.
    Υou have touϲҺed ѕоmе nicе ⲣⲟіntѕ Һегᥱ.

    Αny ᴡaү ҝеeр ᥙρρ ᴡrintіng.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*

© 2018 Jane Roper

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑